Simplicity is Better
by Lord Mendasuit
Summary: Basilisks? In my school? Surely you jest! In which a clever wizard finds simple solutions to the problems of a complicated school year. Second Year in the Simplicity Series.
1. Getting Past Barriers

Ron and Harry were stopped before they could cross the barrier to the school.

"We're gonna get reprimanded!" Ron panicked.

Then Harry rubbed his chin and hummed. "Let's just wait. Surely, your mum or dad will notice we're not there."

And they did. So then they took Harry and Ron back to the Burrow and from there they apparated to the edge of Hogwarts' campus.

Harry nearly puked at the sensation. Ron laughed, having apparated with his family many times before.


	2. Getting Past Envy

"And that's why I no longer clean my hands after I take a dump," explained Crabbe.

Harry, Ron, Draco and Goyle looked at him, all with stunned and completely stupefied looks on their faces. "Goyle, remind me to never, EVER, ask Crabbe to elaborate again," Malfoy said, blinking and trying to will the memories away unsuccessfully.

"Anyway… Hey, did you know I'm rich?" asked Harry, turning to Ron.

"Well, yeah, sort of comes with being an ancient-ass family and all," said Ron, as if what he had said was obvious.

"That got me thinking. I bought a couple of brooms. What do you say we try for the Quidditch Team this year?" asked Harry, tilting his head.

"Mate, I love you," Ron stated, his tone fully sincere, "no homo," he added, hastily.

Harry had noticed Ron had been jealous whenever the subject of his wealth or fame came up last year. Thus, he had decided to go with the simplest and easiest solution to that problem. Prove to Ron that just because he had money, didn't mean he was any less cool.

Besides, a Nimbus 2000 wasn't even a dent on the Potter fortune anyway.


	3. Getting Past Stone Cold Norris

Harry was invited to a Deathday Party by Nearly Headless Nick. Seeing no reason not to be polite, Harry attended. He chose not to bring Ron along on the basis that Ron would not want to attend, which he'd made vocal when Harry had asked about it.

Hermione Granger, a muggleborn in their year, was just as curious as Harry when it came to the question of 'just what the hell is a Deathday party anyway?', and having overheard Harry, invited herself along.

Harry didn't particularly mind. She as an annoying nag and a know-it-all, but Harry had the one friend (his roommates didn't count, they barely talked to him for some reason) and thus he was always willing to overlook minor faults. That and it was easier to just tell her 'sure, why not', as he didn't see the ghosts minding.

Then Mrs. Norris got petrified, and Harry and Hermione were on the scene when everybody arrived.

Filch and Snape immediately tried to accuse him.

Harry rubbed his chin and looked for a simple solution. He'd been on a row with those last year. "Do I look like I could petrify someone so well that not even Professor Dumbledore could undo it?" asked the boy who lived, raising an eyebrow and looking at Snape. "Also, I barely scrape by in potions by religiously following instructions, don't I?"

Seeing as that made a fair bit of sense, Snape and Filch agreed to back off.

It helped that Dumbledore instantly believed him and even launched into an impromptu lesson about how you had to be really, really powerful to make your charms stick in the face of a Finite.


	4. Getting Past Misconceptions

A week after Mrs. Norris' petrified body was found, everyone was wondering who the Heir of Slytherin was.

Ron Weasley put forth Draco Malfoy.

Harry rubbed his chin, then he shook his head. "Nah. Malfoy doesn't have the balls or brain to try that."

Ron, still being extremely thankful towards Harry for getting him the broom that allowed him to be reserve Keeper (Wood was prepping him for replacement, having found out that Ron was as big a Quidditch nut as he himself was), took his words as gospel and agreed with them. As did the rest of Gryffindor House, because being famous has its benefits.

"But who could it be?" asked a fifth year boy.

"We should just let the professors handle it," the Granger girl said, her tone imperious and quite annoying.

"Or at least give them a chance to. I mean, it's just been a week and it was just a petrified cat. For all we know, it could be a trap…"


	5. Getting Past Hermione's Misconceptions

"Look, all I'm saying is that you made no research whatsoever and you just crossed him off the list because you don't think he has the guts to do it. And you're supposed to be some sort of hero, shouldn't you be at least trying to do something?" Hermione ranted, clearly annoyed that Harry wasn't living up to her image of a reckless and selfless hero who would jump at danger in the name of glory, the image that the Harry Potter Adventure/Fiction books had painted.

"Why not just ask him?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine, then I will! I mean, Malfoy is the only likely suspect," said Hermione, huffing and turning around, only to come face to face with the blond himself. "Great timing. Are you the heir of Slytherin?" she asked, bluntly, clearly and to the point.

"Much as I wish I were, I am not. My family's blood is as pure as it comes, but alas, not even we can trace our lineage to the illustrious founders, but I doubt a mudblood such as yourself even cares about something like that," said the blond, rolling his eyes, "if you don't even have manners to greet those above your station properly."

Hermione glared at Malfoy as he left.

Harry waved absent mindedly. Sure, Draco was a prick, but there was no need to be rude.

"So you buy that?" asked Hermione, "I mean he could just be lying," she clarified.

"He could be, sure, but like I said, he's not smart enough to keep it a secret," said Harry, shrugging. "Slytherin is the house of the obvious. Nobody who's subtle, cunning and sneaky would announce to the world that they're subtle, cunning and sneaky. Personally, I'm more scared of the Puffs."

"They're harmless. They are all about the hard work, loyalty and niceness, aren't they?" asked Hermione, confused as to why he would say such a thing.

"And if you're the backstabbing type, wouldn't you want to land in the house where people would least expect you to backstab them? And don't tell me the hat wouldn't put them there, we both know it's open to suggestions."

"Huh," Hermione said eloquently, as she was left to contemplate Harry's words.


	6. Getting Past Bludgers

During the Slytherin-Gryffindor match later that month, a bludger went crazy and started attacking Harry exclusively, even when it was batted aside. Harry went to Rolanda Hooch, who was playing referee, and asked if they shouldn't at least stop the game long enough to check the Bludger…

… All while frantically trying to dodge the sphere hell bent on seeing him squashed.

Hooch agreed.

The Bludger had been under a Confundus charm. It was cleared of it and the game resumed.

Harry caught the snitch minutes afterwards, just barely managing to outfly Malfoy, despite the blond's superior broom, Harry just had more innate skill.


	7. Getting Past The Dueling Club

A Dueling Club was formed. Harry thought it a joke.

"So… Lockhart, the man who got his arse handed to him by Cornish Pixies we could beat with a first year spell, is trying to teach us how to Duel," said Ron, in clear disgust, "what a joke!"

"Professor Lockhart has penned many books about many different forms of fighting, though he rarely comes across dark wizards, his books mostly deal with creatures," explained Hermione, as if the words written in Lockhart's books were gospel. She was enchanted with the incompetent professor and it was starting to grate on Harry's nerves.

"I think Flitwick's a retired duelist," began a random student, in a conversation far removed from the one Hermione had barged in on, "maybe we could ask him for tips so we can look cooler in the club!"

Harry began rubbing his chin.

Later, during the Dueling Club's meeting…

"When Mr. Potter informed me of this club, I just had to participate," Flitwick stated, excitedly, "I asked Severus to allow me to take his place this day, I hope it's not much of a problem," the cheerful, tiny professor explained.

Lockhart pulled at his collar. "Err! Duel Champion Filius Flitwick! It's an honor having you in my class!" he stated, taking a few steps back. "Well, I'm sure the students would like to hear your perspective on dueling, as it will be a unique chance for them, and I have all the years that will come in my career as a teacher! I hope it's not much of a bother or a strain on your schedule!"

"Oh, no worries, my friend! Dueling is one of my few passions that don't lie with academic research, and I've been thinking of introducing a club like this one for quite some time now! Making time to attend all meetings won't be much of an issue, I have lots of free time when I'm not teaching," admitted the amused looking Flitwick, "now, what say you we give the students a show of what advanced dueling is like? After all, we can't let them get any misconceptions by adopting the mistakes of a beginner of this oh, so wonderful and complex art, right?"

Lockhart gulped loud enough to be heard in the entire room. "Oh dear," he mumbled to himself, "I think he's pissed…"

Hermione Granger had stars in her eyes.

Ron Weasley had a grin that threatened to split his face in half.

Harry Potter was whistling innocently.

And Flitwick offered Lockhart a smile that showed way, way too many teeth.


	8. Getting Past TM Riddle

"So, did you hear about the flooded bathroom?" asked Ron, looking at Harry, as they walked to whatever class they had at the time. "I heard that the ghost in that bathroom, some girl named Myrtle, flooded it because someone used her favorite loo," explained the redhead.

Harry stopped. "Ron. I don't care," said Harry, simply.

"But it could be important! You never know when you need to use the loo and you can't risk pissin' on a ghost!"

"Isn't that bathroom the abandoned girls' bathroom that nobody uses? Well, now you know why," said Harry, shrugging.

Just then, Hermione popped out of nowhere. "Hey! Remember that thing about the bathroom? I figured out what caused it! This diary here!" she said, showing a small leather-bound book. "I don't know whose it is, but it's blank and it didn't get damaged by the water…"

"Huh. It says T.M. Riddle on it. I don't know who this Riddle guy is, but I bet Dumbledore probably knows," suggested Harry.

"Let's go show it to him, then."

So they did.

And then Dumbledore said he'd make sure it went to its rightful owner, when Hermione began to say that she didn't want to let it go for some reason.

Dumbledore used the summoning charm, Accio, to call it to his hand. "It appears this little diary is more than meets the eye… Miss Granger, would you please go ask Poppy, that's Madame Pomfrey's first name by the way, to clear you for compulsions?" he asked, in a kind, grandfatherly tone.


	9. Getting Past Cupido

A dwarf in a cupid costume approached Harry.

"I'll give you and yours this bag stuffed with a hundred galleons if you all stay as far away from me as possible," said Harry, looking at the angry looking man.

The man smiled crookedly. "Ye got yerself a deal, sonny!" the man said in an accent that Harry couldn't quite bring himself to care to place.

They held to their word and Harry gave them the bag. There were several disappointed girls when Harry never got the love letters they wrote for him.


	10. Getting Past The Golden Trio

"I've been doing research," began Hermione, "and by that I mean I asked Hagrid what kind of creature could cause the current spree of petrifications, and while I know they haven't happened for a while, I still think we should be on guard. Anyway, Hagrid told me of a few creatures that could do it, but I gathered the evidence I had and came to the conclusion that it's probably a basilisk."

"So?" asked Ron. "You should probably tell Dumbledore."

"I did," said Hermione, rolling her eyes. "I told Lockhart, too, since he's been saying he could deal with whatever was behind the attacks," she said, and by the tone of her voice, she had lost a whole lot of respect for the DADA teacher. Seeing this, both Harry and Ron looked confused. "The man fainted at the mere insinuation that there could be a basilisk at school. Even though he supposedly faced one fearlessly in Brawling With Basilisks! Ugh, I can't believe I rubbed myself raw thinking of that guy!" she mumbled the last part mostly to herself, but it was loud enough for her to be heard by the two boys.

It flew right over Ron's head, but Harry, who was approaching puberty, instantly became very, very red.

"Anyway… All we had to do is find the chamber now, and I think I know where it is, too. Hagrid let slip that there was another attack, fifty years ago. And so I looked it up, and a muggleborn girl died that time, her name was-"

"Myrtle Henderson," said Harry, blinking, "also known as Moaning Myrtle," he added.

"How do you know that?" asked Ron, looking surprised.

"Gred and Forge were daring each other to take Myrtle out for a date in exchange for her help in some prank," explained Harry, shrugging. "So… We can probably assume Myrtle died in that bathroom too… why would she haunt it otherwise?"

"Exactly. You know, you're a lot smarter than I gave you credit for," admitted Hermione, smiling at Harry. "I thought your high grades were just because you had a lot of talent. You never seem to do any homework at the common room and you don't speak up to answer questions, so…"

"I don't need to constantly remind everyone I'm better than them," replied Harry, looking pointedly away from her, trying to will the images of her rubbing her intimate parts away to little success.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!? I'm just trying to help the people who don't get it right!" Hermione countered.

Noticing this, Harry made a split second choice. So far, this was one of the biggest gambles he'd ever made. If his gambit worked, and that would depend on whether or not he'd judged the Granger girl right, then he would gain a new friend. That she happened to be the brightest witch of their generation didn't even enter into the equation.

"It's all about tact," explained Harry. "If you are obnoxious and condescending when trying to help, all you do is piss people off."

"That's why you don't have friends. Everyone's always talking about how much of a bossy know-it-all you are," agreed Ron.

Hermione looked ready to cry. She'd thought those two were her friends! They had talked to her and hadn't insulted her, even if Weasley seemed to be perpetually annoyed with her presence.

"Nobody's perfect," Harry said, offering her his hand. "Trust me, I'm the guy who only has the one friend to his name, and that's counting the whole 'Boy Who Lived' thing. I must be worse at socializing than you are."

"It's… it's not true!" Hermione replied, sniffling a little, "you're always calm and collected and really cool and everyone thinks so. Parvati and Lavender are always talking about how cool you are and I was so happy because I thought you were my friend, since you were one of the few people who didn't insult or tease me and- and-" she was stopped when Harry placed the hand he'd offered on her shoulder.

"He is, isn't he?" asked Ron, grinning. "It's why you don't have any friends other than me, actually. You're just this larger than life figure that is never shaken by anything. Sure, I know that you're really just that chill, but everyone else is buying into the Boy Who Lived books," explained the redhead.

Harry pulled Hermione into a hug. "See? It's not just you who's bad at socializing. I never had friends growing up. My aunt and uncle didn't like me, so neither did my cousin, and he was very large so everyone was afraid of him and nobody wanted to be my friend because he threatened to beat them up if they were," explained the boy who lived, "so I'm new to this 'friends' thing too."

"B-B-But…" Hermione sobbed, as she was being held by the first ever person to extend to her a hand in friendship, "y-you're the b-b-boy who l-lived… I'm j-just some m-muggleborn witch-"

"Who's got the best grades in our year, and did in a few weeks what nobody else has done," said Harry, rubbing soothing circles on her back, "trust me, I could do way worse than you for friends."

She squeezed him, as hard as she could, and threatened to never let go of the first friend she'd ever made.


	11. Getting Past The Chamber

Hermione had deduced that the Chamber was likely in Myrtle's bathroom.

And it was. They noticed a carved snake.

And then they learned Harry could speak Parseltongue when he accidentally hissed the question "but how do we open it?"

Since they knew for a fact that Harry himself had just realized he could speak Parseltongue, neither took it as a warning sign. They slid down the pipe, Harry going first holding onto a cage that held a rooster in it. They'd had Hagrid get them one, with the excuse that they were gonna stuff it under someone's bed.

Hagrid might not be a prankster himself, but he'd had a whole lot of laughs during the Marauders' stay and, seeing as how Harry seemed to be following in his father's footsteps, decided to help them out. The giant had his ways of getting creatures.

They passed the giant skin of the beast, Ron nearly shat himself, Hermione had to hold the urine inside, and Harry whistled at the sight. They continued walking until they were in front of a giant statue of a rather ugly man who seriously needed a good shave. Also everything smelled like goat urine for some reason.

Then a voice that had a clear lisp sounded through the chamber. "Master! Master! Where's the master I've been after? Master! Master! Is that you in my lair?"

"That is probably the basilisk. Blindfolds on everybody!" Hermione said, hearing nothing but hisses.

"Wait, let me try something," Harry told her, before thinking of snakes and trying to speak Parseltongue, knowing that the thought of 'talking to the basilisk' was probably all he needed. "I'm your new master," he hissed.

"Okay," it was far away still, but it was getting closer.

"Go back to the chamber and sleep. I will call you when I need you," Harry said.

"Okay," the creature spoke, and then the rumbling stopped.

"I can't believe that worked," Harry said, in a normal tone.

"What did you do?" asked Hermione, tilting her head.

"I thought trying to reason with it was possible, so I tried and… I just got myself a pet basilisk," explained Harry. "It seems it will accept anyone who speaks Parseltongue as its master. Snakes seem awfully obedient."

"Bloody hell…" Ron trailed off, eyes wide.

"You should probably tell it to only accept you or your chosen as masters now. Just in case," Hermione cautioned.

And so Harry did.


	12. Getting Past Lockhart

That year, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger got awards for services performed to the school. Gryffindor absolutely destroyed the competition, mostly because Harry had become an immensely adept seeker (he just trailed the snitch since the moment it was liberated and didn't pay attention to anything else during the game, also, he'd gotten a new Foul added to the rulebook by capturing the Snitch the very instant it'd been released) and thus the Inter House Quidditch Cup had gone to Gryffindor, which was worth a lot of points. As were the awards given to the newly coined 'Golden Trio'.

Lockhart was sacked the very moment Hermione sat down and wrote down each and every single inconsistency and impossibility in his books. McGonagall aided her when she could not truly call foul due to lack of knowledge. His entire collection had an approximate 1500 errors, mistakes, impossibilities, inconsistencies or flawed concepts in them.

Everyone cheered when Flitwick announced he'd keep the Dueling Club functioning anyway, to the cheers of many.

All in all, it was good year.


End file.
